Wednesday, July 17, 2013

we're closer now than we've ever been.

I am not a runner. I love fitness, but I've never been good at or enjoyed running. I could probably contribute this to my A.D.D. coupled with a crippling fear of suffocating. That being said, sometimes I get hasty and think 'there is no reason why I couldn't run a 5k', so I sign up for one and invite all my friends and brag about it and "train" and watch the days go by in horror as the race date grows closer.

The night before the race is usually when I start sabotaging. I drink too much, stay up too late, maybe eat 9 wings with ranch dressing and large fries. And that's precisely what happened last winter when I signed up for a 5k, drank too much, ate too much and stayed up too late before it.

I felt rough y'all. And if you've ever been hungover before, [which I'm sure you have, because you're reading this, so you're my friend and I'm not friends with people who haven't been hungover] you know that running is the thing you are least capable of doing in such a state. But ALAS, I had moral support [that for about 3/4 of the race ditched me because they WEREN'T hungover and are CAPABLE of jogging 3 miles] and my dear friend Calley provided profound inspiration* as she tends to do by stating, "we're closer now than we've ever been."

A bit dramatic for the task at-hand, but so applicable to EVERYTHING. I told her immediately, "I'm going to blog that, I will." So I've had this draft blog sitting around here basically since last December and I'm finally inspired enough to relate it to something.


I realized that I was so focused on mimosas the finish line that I never enjoyed the process. And y'all this was an ugly sweater 5k, so the process was fricken hysterical.

"We're closer now than we've ever been" gave me the drive and perspective I needed to reach my end-goal and I became obsessed with the mantra. But that's just my anxious personality taking over and my anxious personality tends to miss out on what's happening around it.

So I need a new mantra now, for every activity that is not running, that will remind me not to focus on the finish line, but to slow down and take in the beauty [or the ugly sweater parade] that surrounds me.

When you're always focused on long-term goals it's hard to be thankful for the path that got you there. And when those goals are too long-term it's hard to congratulate yourself for your small victories. Personally, I think I deserve a cupcake and champagne every time I get out of bed before the fourth alarm, but that's just me and if I had champagne for breakfast I would never meet any goals anyway so I just settle for a cup of coffee and get on with my day.

Let this be a lesson to you, not only on patience but also on never accepting an invitation from me to run in a 5k.

*If you need therapy, which you probably do because you are reading this, so you're my friend and I'm not friends with people who don't need therapy, click the link above.

Friday, July 5, 2013

silly yak.

Six years ago today, I ate a turkey sandwich, sat down at my computer and logged on to find out that the turkey sandwich I just consumed was virtually poison to my body. The ten months leading up to these results were hellacious. And while I was relieved to have an answer, the answer was not one I wanted.
Celiac Disease is a tricky little diagnosis, because while it is non-life-threatening, it’s still a life changer. I feel fortunate that the only thing missing from my body is a tiny little enzyme that processes a tiny little protein, but there are some times when I just want to punch someone in the face for taking my diet as a joke.
So on my six year anniversary, let me share with you a little friendly advice from a self-proclaimed, gluten-free expert:
It’s not a choice, so don’t make fun. It’s a disease. If you wouldn’t run through a hospital making fun of patients there, don’t make fun of me either.
Stop rubbing it in our faces. I know what a donut tastes like. I really wish I could drink that beer too. I don’t need you to remind me of what I’m missing out on. I can’t stress this enough.
Gluten-free is not that hard, or expensive. It can be, yes. But if you eat healthy and get a little creative, you can have almost meal without having to go to the end of the earth. They make bread, it kind of sucks and it is three times more expensive than glutenous bread. Turn your sandwich into a salad or a taco. Stuff your pizza ingredients into a mushroom cap and bake it.
That being said, I don’t want to go to Panera with you for lunch. A salad is not the same when there is bread baking in the back. It’s like in True Blood, when the vampire is quietly enjoying their synthesized blood cocktail and a human walks in. Enough said. Unless someone from Panera Corporate is reading this- PLEASE MAKE GLUTEN FREE BREAD.
When I bring something to your party/potluck/whatever, taste it!  I spent 20 years of my life eating gluten, and the first four years of my GF diet making mistakes in the kitchen. I know what it’s supposed to taste like, and after six years I can make any dish and it will likely be healthier than the alternative. So be open-minded and enjoy your not-stomach-ache later. But if you want to be close-minded, nbd, because I’m going to go to town on the leftovers.  
Champagne is gluten-free. A fine alternative to beer.
Time to step down from my soapbox now and enjoy my big gluten-free day. I love you GF diet, thanks for the last six, let's stay together forever.