Wednesday, March 6, 2013


This is a story about how my friend Megan changed my life.

OK, that was dramatic, but truthful. And the truth is what this story is all about!

Once upon a time, I was reading Megan's blog and I came across a post entitled "An Invitation to Not be a Liar". I was inspired. Now, in an effort to be all therapisty and balanced and whatnot, I stored this phrase in the mantra department of my brain. The thing about the mantra department, is that it's severely underutilized. A few months passed and little progress was made toward goals of being direct and open and honest with others.

I've never been much of a blatant liar...just more of a truth avoider. I guess I'm an avoider of all things uncomfortable. And for that reason I tend to leave out the uncomfortable details when communicating with others. This week I experienced a perspective shift. For the first time I was aware that I was the one being spared of an uncomfortable fact. AND IT SUCKED.

A few weeks ago I interviewed for a job I was really passionate about. I knew the position needed to be filled quickly, so each day following the interview I checked my phone and my email thinking I would get some kind of quick response, and hopefully the news would be good. I even ran into the hiring manager several times a week and received nothing but a "hey, how are ya". Two days ago, I found out through the grapevine that a new person was starting in the position. That person was not me. And guess what little phrase sneaked right up to the tip of my tongue and has been camping out ever since!

An invitation to not be a liar.

I still haven't gotten my rejection, and I don't know if I ever will. But I do know that through bitterness can come change. So change is what I did. I started an internal campaign to change my behaviors and my communication strategies so the people in my life aren't left checking their phone and email 47 times an hour waiting for news that will likely never come.

My first order of business was to break some hearts. I recently tried online dating. I felt it was the most effective way to fully-immerse myself back into the dating scene after the ol' detox. And immersed I was. I was hasty with my phone number, but it did get into the hands of a few lucky gentlemen and dates were set up. And y'all- guess what. I met someone. I met someone so right that everyone else seemed wrong. And I couldn't rectify going on any more wrong dates. So I knew what I had to do.

But the thought of canceling things freezes my brain and my words and my hands and I end up ignoring people and never-ever-ever getting back together.

But in response to Megan's invitation, I decided to just send some simple, truthful texts and not be a liar. I mean it would have been easy to say I was sick, or busy, or that aliens had abducted my car, or that my legs had been amputated. But saying those things wouldn't have gotten the point across that it just wasn't going to work out this time. And I would have had to keep getting sick, or abducted, week after week, and I'm just not that creative. So I said it like it was.

And y'all, it worked. It was the easiest thing I ever imagined to be terrifying!

And I lived honestly ever after, the end.

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